Bloggers Discuss Caregiving Challenges

There are a couple of recent personal blog posts we wanted to share this week. First, this post discusses a difficult issue faced by aging parents caring for an adult disabled son. The blogger writes of his brother, who has Muscular Dystrophy and has been in a wheelchair for many years. A recent fall has made the poster question how long his parents can continue to provide care and how hard it will be to have that conversation.

Scott is a full grown man, and he doesn’t have the strength to help when he needs to be transfered from his wheelchair to the bed, or the tub, or his easy chair my dad set up to help his legs rest. And my dad turns 65 this year.

Dad has always been a big bear of a man, but he wont be able to lift Scott forever. . . Even though he needs professional semi-skilled care . . .we might could come up with some arrangement where my brother could be cared for in our homes.

But my parents are stubborn people, and it may sound funny coming from a 43 year old, but I don’t want to disobey them. I think that deep down, all of us, parents and children, know that a day is coming when the two able-bodied sons are going to have to sit down with the parents and say, “No disrespect, but you’re going to have to let it go and let us take over”. But for now, we have instead, this uneasy silence where we sons know what we have to say, but we don’t say it.

I think it’s going to take Scott telling them to let the brothers take over. Ironically, they’ll listen to him.

Thanks to the GenBetween blog for sharing. The second post, part of Virginia Cornue's series of posts on sandwich caregiving, discusses the guilt associated with making decisions about where and how your parents will receive care, and the challenges faced by those caring for young children along with aging parents.

Of all her 11 siblings, my mother was the only one who was in institutional care at the end of her life. This is something I still have not entirely reconciled. This in one of those it's not the right thing to do--not the right way to treat your elders values I hold. But it was the only practical thing to do. . .

. . .If I had been truely a Sandwich Generation participant...if I had had to care for her long distance, AND take care of an infant, go to grad school--commuting an hour or more each way, and teach parttime, do my share of the domestic chores, maintain some sort of marital and social life, I think, NO I know, I would have had not only a nervous breakdown but a physical one as well. . .

. . .More than a decade later, I still miss her daily. Her last days at The Oaks were as good as they could be. She, my model joyolgist, told me scatological nursing home jokes to lighten my heart. But I--I still don't feel right about how her last days ended. My Mom, however, would say differently to me. As is on her gravestone, she would say to me, "Do your best, honey."

Did I? Yes--given the circumstances. I guess that's all we can do in the long run.