A Gentle Death: Five Months with Hospice

Following the death of her husband, John H. Ross, in December 2002, Barbara O’Neil Ross began writing about their experience. John spent over five months in the care of Hospice of Cambridge in MA. Both John and Barbara were strong believers in the benefits of hospice care, becoming familiar with hospice through reading and the work and efforts of good friends.

After the death of Barbara’s mother in 1983, which Barbara felt was prolonged unnecessarily causing her mother additional suffering, her support for hospice intensified. She and her husband both knew that they wanted to give John “a gentle death.” Barbara’s nine-part series, A Gentle Death: Five Months with Hospice, captures the essence of hospice care and the various roles the hospice team can play in the lives of the dying and their loved ones.

“You know, this is the beginning of the end,” John’s lung specialist tells me over the phone when I ask if he will authorize hospice care. He agrees to sign the required papers predicting a life expectancy of less than six months – but seems reluctant. Awake most of the night, I agonize over the decision. Next morning I phone the primary care physician, an old friend of my husband. His response to hospice: “I’m so relieved to hear this. I was afraid you didn’t realize how serious his condition is.”

A few days later a starchy Scottish woman arrives with a mountain of forms. She pulls her chair up to John’s bed, her kind eyes looking directly into his, and says, “You know, love, your lung disease isn’t going to improve.” Her warmth and honesty put us at ease. Read the complete series here.