Living a Good Life

Vince Chiles

Much of what I need to know about living a good life I learned from hospice patients and their families. People who are at the end of life, and their caregivers, tend to be a vital collection of characters. They seem to appreciate those things the rest of us take for granted. They are able to accomplish superhuman care with a level of sophistication and compassion under incredible circumstances. What they have taught me has enhanced my quality of life a hundred fold.

Each day is a new day. This is a fact of existence proven over and over again at 24-hour intervals, but when faced with a predictable and limited future, the terminal patient often faces the end of life with courage, tenacity, and grace. The reality is that we each live life one day at a time, and that we may all only have this day left. In our busy lives we often forget or ignore the fragile nature of our being. This oversight robs us of the blessing that comes from appreciating this impermanence. Hospice patients and their families have helped me acknowledge the gift of recognizing the potential in each new day. I try to start each day with a ritual of welcoming the new possibilities and opportunities I may face. This has helped me to be more present to the people and tasks that are important in my life.

There’s no time better than now to say “I love you.” In our hectic lives, now often do we say “in a minute” to someone we love? I recently received a poem written by a terminally ill child who spoke to this postponement. Now is the time to say “I love you,” to spend time with those you love, and to be present and attentive in their lives. This is an incredible challenge when personal goals, work, and relaxation seem to be more demanding or beneficial endeavors. The reality is that in the last moments of life, the most precious memories are the tender moments or milestones spent with families and friends. Nothing is more important than saying “I love you” right now.

We can do anything we put our mind to. I have witnessed adult children bathing their parents, spouses married 50 years plus provide around-the-clock care. I have heard five-year-old grandchildren utter words of wisdom that transcend the ages. I have seen friends and neighbors rally to take shifts and provide care when there was no family for the dying. I have observed hired caregivers and volunteers who have sacrificed their own needs to be present so a loved one can have an extra hour of rest. When faced with adversity, we humans rise to the occasion with incredible strength and fortitude. Whether it’s for God or our country or those we love, we can do anything we put our minds to. This ability to muster strength and fortitude in times of adversity is remarkable. We all possess this ability. When caring for a sick loved one, we often take this quality for granted. In is innate, and we can harness it any time we choose. Why wait for periods of crisis? That we can do anything we put our minds to this instant is another powerful lesson I’ve learned from my work in hospice.

These three lessons when applied each day have enhanced my overall quality of life. I and the people around me are happier and more successful as a result. Each day is a new day, say I love you now, and we can do anything we put our minds to, do not have to be lessons learned only at the end of life. They can be practiced before a terminal diagnosis to enrich living right now, and the lives of those we love. I think the hospice patients and families I have worked with recognize the gifts they give. I believe they hope that they will be used so they live on in the deeds I do. I know that they do live on.

Vince Chiles, MSW