Interview with George R. Kelder, Jr.

George R. Kelder, Jr. is the Executive Vice President of the New Jersey Funeral Service Education Corporation. He has been licensed as a NJ Practitioner of Mortuary Science since 1980. He is an ordained deacon of the Roman Catholic Church and most recently has been certified as a Funeral Celebrant. He and the NJFSEC are currently advocating for the networking of allied professionals to assist families in crisis, specifically at the time of death; the model being introduced is called “Knowledge Based Funeral Service.”

Interview Questions

Q: As a funeral director, what role do you see that ritual plays in supporting people who are grieving?

A: Ritual plays a vital role, and can create a vehicle for survivors to begin their grief work. We are seeing great diversity and creative changes in funeral rituals. These days, the word “ritual” can refer to the scattering of a loved ones remains from a mountaintop, or a formalized ritual in a church. While all rituals have a spiritual component, they are not necessarily “religious” in the traditional sense; they are more fluid and constantly changing. I see a growing trend of developing creative rituals to meet the needs of the survivors and allow them to say goodbye in a way that is meaningful to them; more options are available to families, both before and after the death.

Q: What changes have you seen in funeral rituals, and how do funeral directors support the process of creating these rituals?

A: A good funeral director asks two questions: Tell me what happened, and tell me how you’re doing now. These days, many deaths occur after prolonged illnesses, and families have had time to tell stories, talk about their wishes, maybe even begin to say goodbye to their loved one. This process occurs all of the time in hospice care before the death. After the death, funeral directors can listen to these same stories and experiences and pick up themes in what they hear, which helps guide families to create a ritual that meets their needs.

Because of changes in our society, many families want a funeral ritual but do not want to follow a traditional religious template. We have begun training Funeral Celebrants to help guide these services. Funeral Celebrants are beginning to supplement a traditional clergy person, as they can allow for more personalization and input from the family.

For instance, in New Jersey there is a “no eulogy” policy in the Catholic Church. As a Funeral Celebrant and an ordained deacon in the Roman Catholic Church, I can find creative ways to incorporate religious beliefs but still meet a family’s wishes to have others share more personal and individual stories.

Q: What are some common myths about the role of the funeral director, and what are you doing to dispel those myths?

A: The image still exists to many of the pale-faced man in a black suit waiting on the sidelines for death to occur. But the days when the funeral director would see the family for the first time on the day before the funeral, and say goodbye to them at the end of the funeral, are past. There is the reality that the funeral director must dispose of the body; that is what we are trained and licensed to do. But more importantly, we understand the need to walk with the family, and to care for them during this crisis. Funeral homes are rooted in their communities; we know how to access legal and financial resources, emotional and spiritual support. Many allied professionals already recognize the funeral home as a gateway for families, especially as families become more geographically dispersed. In New Jersey, we are actively working to enhance these relationships with other professionals in order to provide support for families before as well as after the death.

Q: What programs do you have in place to encourage the enhancement of the relationships between funeral directors and other allied professionals?

A: The New Jersey State Funeral Directors Association (NJSFDA) is developing a model called “Knowledge Based Funeral Service.” This model is based on what and who we know, versus what we have historically done. Families must face a myriad of decisions and tasks while a loved one is dying. Knowledge Based Funeral Service helps families prioritize their needs by networking before, after, and following the death. Ideally, funeral directors can serve as a family liaison or advocate, assisting with legal and financial issues and helping to organize the necessary tasks. In our model, funeral directors can also help families have a dialogue about organ donation and advance directives. By working with other professionals such as hospice staff, funeral directors can provide a more comprehensive, supportive system of care. Ultimately, families are better served when allied professionals come together to assist them during this most difficult journey.

To learn more about this model and the programs of the NJSFDA’s affiliate foundation, The New Jersey Funeral Service Education Corp. (NJFSEC), click here.