How I Coped With Loss

By Brett Hardy - Age 14

When most eighth graders think of loss, they think of losing their CD's or their favorite shirt. I think of my mother and one of my friends.

My mother died of breast cancer and my friend died of cystic fibrosis. They were very different experiences, but many of my feelings were the same. At first, I was shocked. As I grasped what had happened, I became sad. Once I was more comfortable with my grief, I was able to be a little angry with the person who died, for leaving me. I found out this is a very common reaction. I often felt scared that what happened to them would happen to me, and that's a very common reaction, too.

Though my reactions were similar, the losses were very different. My mother was in many ways my best friend. We did almost everything together. She was sick on and off for seven years; she died when I was ten. In that respect, my loss was very different from the loss of someone in a car crash. I had a chance to say goodbye to my mother. However, I was forced to take care of her, physically and emotionally, as best I could. I was very scared. I had trouble sleeping, my grades dropped, I would be sitting in class and just start crying.

After my mother died, I moved and left my home, my school and my friends. These are all things that I am still working through. I started a new school in fifth grade. In my sixth grade year, I met Jonathan Rhodes. Jonathan always had lung problems, but they were not very serious. We became good friends. At the end of sixth grade, he was absent a couple of days a week, and was in and out of the hospital. In March of seventh grade, we found out he was dead. None of us had expected it.

I felt awful! I had not visited him in the hospital enough, and I was too caught up in my own life to worry about him. I felt horrible. I also felt sad, mad, scared, and shocked. Our class organized a memorial service; everyone participated and made a wonderful service. It made me feel a little better about neglecting our friendship, and it helped me to pay homage to Jonathan. His parents really appreciated it, too.

My experiences were very difficult, but they allowed me to be more compassionate and appreciate life more. There is nothing good about losing someone you love, but that doesn't mean that something good can't come out of it. When you lose somebody special, it is extremely important to talk about it with somebody. It may not always be the right time to talk, and your family and friends should respect that. But you must talk about it when you're ready. If you never express your feelings, they will build up, and they will eventually explode.

* from Journeys - A Bereavement Newsletter