Stories from Journeys' Readers

I lost my partner of thirty-one years last April. Lucy was sick with lung cancer for a long time and knew she was going to die. The way Lucy dealt with her oncoming death has been the bedrock of my dealing with grief. Remembering her lack of fear makes me stronger.

Remembering, also, my affirmation at a seminar that I took back in the nineties also helps: “I am a strong, intelligent, sensitive, playful woman, worthy of love, opening my heart to all.” Although I have never completely believed it, it lightens my spirit when I repeat it.

Keeping busy helps me live in the moment. I’ve had my condo repainted, I’ve cleaned the venetian blinds, and I bought a new sofa. I have wondered why these changes have been cathartic. I’ve decided they symbolize the beginnings of life on my own.

In October I went back to volunteering at Ten Thousand Village, which sells handicrafts by artisans from developing countries. I also plan to volunteer at Forbes Hospice, but I’m not ready yet.

I am fortunate that Pittsburgh has several parks, and I am enjoying the solitude of walking in these healing places. These times bring me closer to my higher power.

However, the months following Lucy’s death haven’t been easy. Whenever I go out, I have to come back to an empty condo, and I still have “my moments” at other times, but I trust that sometime I can celebrate her life without the pain. 

Louise Craft